辛苦

一点都不简单

一点都不容易

我真得好辛苦。。。你看得到吗？

Hello~

Been abandoned this site for some time.

Not because I lack of blogging idea, I have quite a lot to share, but workloads are pressing me so hard.

So, here is another blue moon EMO post~

Been trying to accept what I lost, forever. But things can never be so easy. Memories are something that can motivate and push me forward, so powerful; yet if not ‘think’ it correctly, memories can kill.

Currently, still continue developing system for my internship’s boss, and at the same time, FYP aka Final Year Project. Double workload, with same 24 hours, caused me have to sacrifice most of my time with my laptop.

Last few months ago when my internship program came to an end, I was asked by boss if I want to continue developing the project, I accepted so happily, hoping I can learn extra knowledge to work on my FYP team, yes, indeed, I reused a lot of the concept on my FYP, and also some small extra income to support me until graduate.

All the while, I strongly believe that hard work and time can solve ANY problem, even how IMPOSSIBLE it can be, as long as DON’T GIVE UP. It’s true, and it’s always true throughout my life. Things I want, targets to achieve, I set it, I can reach it.

Then I realized, all the targets are seldom come from myself: study hard is for my family, work hard is for people I care, all for the future of a better living for them. If I am alone, I guess I won’t be studying and working this hard. I took this responsible happily, and wish only they appreciate and don’t treat me as outsider. (hey, there is nothing wrong with my family)

At some point, because of my ego, I lost my temper, and I lost the most important one in my life. Words that said out, can’t be taken back; apologise never been accepted. Everything is gone.

For now, I can never wish to return to any previous stage, things that I promised, I can’t fulfil. Just wish that, you can forgive such a silly guy.

 

Erm, what I want to deliver in this post? Is up to people who read it. I just wanted to shout out the thought that buried in me for 4 months… Always, jia you. And, some times, hard work don’t return, but DON’T GIVE UP!

Day 6: Last Day in Sabah

Continue from previous post.

Sorry for a long delay from Day 5 post. Life is getting very very hard and stress. But without writing day 6, things get incomplete :)

Day 6 is quite a resting day to all of us, after getting down from the mountain. Most of us have sore legs, that makes walking so pain!

The flight is at 7pm, so basically we had half day to walk around. We had a breakfast at Gaya Street, is Curry Mee. How to say? It’s different. The noodle is special, which looks like cintan mee, but it’s not.

The street of Gaya in the morning. Motocycle is rare thing at there.

The new mall, Suria Sabah. It’s still not yet fully open, with a lot empty shop lots. By that time has book fair with dirt cheap book, so I got 1 humour book, which until now I also not yet finish reading :(

X-Plorer Backpackers, our stay places. Got to check out by 1pm, haiz… Good bye! i will miss the people~

 
The transparent toilet, cool~

 
Lunch was Dumpling with Century Egg noodle. Not that impressive, and expensive… chop tourist one!

 
This is the central market. It’s full range of souvenirs, like pearls, handcrafts, batik, aiya, all sort of traditional toys and keychains. Do some head count, then bought some gifts to friends.

 
After some “long” and tired walk, is time to sit down and have some drink. Coconut drink is all time favourite. I still don’t know where they got that much of coconuts, and the whole street is selling the same drink, same price… Weird.

1 coconut is RM2.50, for cold one is RM3.00. Each of us ordered 1 coconut, drink till very full, a very satisfy one!

Some fruit I don’t know the name… With very weird taste, yuck.

 
People is playing chess under tree, so “happening”.

 

The guy at X-Plorer helped us hired a taxi to the Airport, RM25 just for a damn 10 minutes drive. If next time I am jobless, I will drive taxi in Penang.

 
At the airport, I saw clown fish, Nemo.

 
With his friend, Dolly. (ignore the uncle behind)

 
And another ugly friend.

 
See what Dolly is doing…? Ha.

 

The flight departed at 7pm, and reached KLIA at 9:30pm, roughly. Everyone was tired, but this trip is very significant to me.

1. This is the first destination that I been in my travel list, still have many more pending.
2. This is my 100% self sponsored trip, thanks to my boss who pay for my work~ Whole trip spent about RM1200 include 2 ways flight. And in the future, all will be self sponsored.
3. Whole trip was planned with Nana using Google, GPS, and read forums, and all bookings are done directly with the service, no agents involved. Cut cost~
4. First time encounter wild boars family, scare the shit out of us.
5. Thanks to mom who called me every night.
6. Thanks to Bobby, Nana, and Kelvin to be so sporting to say “YES! Let’s go!”
7. Thanks to my Sony Ericsson C905 phone camera.
8. Thanks to the weather to be so cooperative during our mountain hiking.
9. Thanks everyone who make my day so bright, in my worst ever mood of my life… Thanks.

Sometimes not because you can sacrifice, you can work so hard, you can fall down and climb up again, will come with success. By the time you persuade for something or someone, must set a ‘give-up’ point, else, the one get hurt will be yourself, and no one will feel pity towards you.

So, Kinabalu Trip is done.

I can sense my next trip could be Singapore and Korea, wohoo!!!!!  

原因

最近，周围好多事发生。。。

看到了好多争吵，

一些争吵只是为了一根香烟，

那两个人就翻脸了好几天。

一些争吵，

男女朋友就分手了。。。

一些争吵，

朋友也当不成了。。。

其实，

争吵和翻脸，

是代表在乎某件事；

而所有的争吵的开始，

往往都是一方的情绪失控而开始。

一段时间过了，才发现，

“他妈的，当初在吵什么？”

所有当初争吵的原因，原来只是导火线。

就现在，关掉所有音乐，

静静的想，是不是真的做错了，

是的话，别拖，马上道歉，SMS也好，打电话也好。

有些人尝试挽回，

却迟了，只好默默地接受这个遗憾，

但还是希望有被原谅的一天。

 

如果明天报纸上登着：2012是世界末日

我们还会恨别人吗？

Sorry

想。。。又做错事了。

不多说，我错了，对不起，我不是什么完美的人。

我现在终于得到报应了。。。

Hurt

It’s hurt, really.

If I did anything wrong, I am sorry…

A Facebook Quiz

7:03pm, still hanging in office cracking my head to let the program run perfectly. Today has a big progress in development, haha.

At 6:30, relax a while, login Facebook, steal some fruits, and found a quiz, never expect much on this quiz. The title is: Find out your weakness using your 6th sense.

Sound interesting, and did it.

The answer I got:
你心裏的弱點是死亡。但不是你自己的死亡，而是你最親密的人的死亡。因為你的感情依賴度非常高，尤其對父母、配偶、兄弟姐妹。當不幸發生後，你將無法承受。...

"Your weakness is Death, but not your personal death, but the people around you. Your relationship dependence very high, especially to parents, lover, siblings. If unfortunately anything happened to them, you may not be able to accept it..."


I know it is just a quiz, even if the answer is random, but this one totally accurately describe what I scare most in my life.

Suddenly I felt very scare and worry. The feeling of losing people I care so much is really really torturing me... Starring at the screen, I don't know what to do.

Start Again.

It’s 12:08am, I can’t sleep, even I already worked for the whole day. When I came home at 11pm from MIC, the same security guard greeted me, then I replied “Good Night~” as usual. This is already the N times I work over 10pm.

I am happy to work there, sincerely, because I learn a lot of things. Handling almost half of the project, without any supervisor to teach me, or senior to ask, only Google. Sometimes really scare, worry I can’t meet the expectation of my boss, worry I can’t submit on time, so little time, so many things to do, cover from programming, designing, upgrading, all. I am tired, but happy.

Different from assignment in campus, now I need to concern security, performance, reusability, design issue etc. If you screwed up assignment in campus, you only get little bit less mark; you screw up the project, thousands of people will be screwed too.

OK, enough of the stupid work.

Really emo these days. It’s not from my work, and I know the reason, just I don’t know what to do, who to tell. It’s really stupid, till I feel that telling other just make people feel that I am so so so god damn stupid. Why for a simple thing that many people so easily can done it, I just can’t? Because want to protect this important treasure, I had tried so hard, or I did something wrong, or not enough?. Always remind myself, I am lucky enough, but how long can this works?

 

Out of no reason, I started another 1 month of Vegetarian food. Wish I can learn something valuable after this month.

Good night. Tomorrow is my deadline.

要珍惜

上个拜五，在考着最后一张考卷，电话一直“震”不停。每一次考试电话震，我都会感到不安，可每次都是心理作怪。

一考完在收考卷时，看见好几个未接来电和简讯，以为是爸爸到了，可以接我回去。其中一个简讯竟然是说：爸爸进院了。爸爸没来，而他的同事代替他来谈生意，顺便带我回去。

这次的放假，只有短短的2天，因为2天后就是industrial training了。妈一直叫我不需要回去，可是公公在2个礼拜前入院，虽然都说没什么大碍，可是不管怎样也要回去看看。

看完简讯后，心好乱，马上打电话给妈。原来是胆结石，已经是他第三次了。

匆匆忙忙跑回家去，拿了件衣服，又往Cyberia大门外跑。结果半路上，才发现我还戴着隐形眼镜，那些隐形眼镜盒，眼镜，牙刷，等等全都忘了拿。

到了槟城，见到面了，才放心。

只是短短两天，一半以上的时间都在车上度过了。

 

经常都听别人说：要珍惜啊~

可是却没说怎样。我想，最接近珍惜的方式，就是要会感激，和满足。

我是个很难后悔的人，可能是任何事情都去尽力吧。尽量把快乐的原因设得很小，要求低，就会发现要满足，要快乐，并不难。但也可能是太容易满足了，导致我前进得很慢。所以在明白自己真的想要的，就要努力去做，不要让自己有后悔的机会。

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

昨天第一天“上班”，还好，蛮闷的。

很早就放人了，就去看戏咯。Terminator Salvation，对戏里的一句对白很有感触：Everyone deserves a second chance。

好希望有第二次的机会。。。

Low update.

The final exam is going on now. It had been 1 week, and this was really busy.

During this time, my partners for whole day are computer and notes. This is really depressing, although there are housemates who always come to my back and smack my head, ask me c++, invite me to shoot some zombies, call me out for dinner, with them is about non-sense chatting, laughing, smacking, but it is still lack of something. Maybe I just need someone who can chat peacefully.

Yesterday was Friday, went out with the bunch of housemates for Sushi King and movies at night. Having our time in there for about 2 hours, eating, chatting, laughing, smacking.

The backdrop. This branch is at Alamanda.

Curry Rice. I love Japanese Curry, because I won’t sweat after eating it~

Wasabi challenge, take 1 big piece of wasabi and eat it, no swallow! We found out, to prevent the tearing and nose running effect of wasabi, when put into the mouth, breath. It works!

------------------------------------------------------------------

The first time I don’t see any MMU Students in GSC.

The movie we watched was Monsters VS Aliens, it’s a must watch movie, non-stop laughing since the first 10 second until the credit shown up.

HA! The big giant insect behind there is so cute!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Every morning when I open my eyes, I will see the sky. I wish I can see a sky full of clouds, means the day will be cool.

This morning was very cloudy, 9:30am, a good timing to walk around under the sky. Get on my headset, and walk to Convenient Mart for a High 5 bread and milk.

The environment is so quiet. After grab some breakfast, had it at playground there with a cat.

- “I want more bread.”

This is the familiar cat at B1 with a blue Blink Blink collar.

 

So, I still have 3 more papers to go, if free, please NUDGE ME to give me some support, thanks! (just 1 enough, too many is annoying!)

 

Today’s Quote:
Bejeweled on Facebook is like drug, better don’t start it.

最近

最近，

感觉变懒惰了。

好像找不到原因去努力。

haiz.

Final exam is coming, please give me motivation.

Kim is drinking Slurpee from 7 Eleven. He is a 不倒翁。aza aza hwaiting.

I am tired...

Really tired. Can't find motivation.

Feel like wanna lie down, just like the water tap in HB2. 

Day 24: A whole day at home.

Continue from previous post.

When I say I am at home, means I not going anywhere; but when I said I am at home, it doesn't mean I go somewhere... whatever, only Einstein can understand.

My breakfast, I dug out some bread, peanut butter, cereal, biscuits, and so it is one meal. Never skip breakfast anymore.

Lunch quite tough, only 2 out of 5 are vegetables. I ate potato and red date soup only.

Same as dinner.

(no picture taken, scare will be scolded by grandma)

Such a boring day....

Even an afternoon nap, I dreamed of going group mate's house do assignment... can't you let me sleep properly?

Day 10: .......

Day 10 had a real bad mood. I mean it, real bad, the kind of want to punch a hole on the wall.

I skipped the morning algorithm and analysis class, and even my proper lunch.

(my lunch is actually 2 buns)

RM0.70 x 2, I bought 2.

Dinner at Cyberia Chinese shop.

RM3.80

Currently no any symptom occur, just notice I feel less sleepy in class.

The expenses of the day: RM3.80 + RM0.70 x 2 = RM5.20

Study Z-Notation till late, so made myself a cup of corn soup.

-----------------------------------------

Sorry for everyone, who care about me, I am still trying.

Damn long tag by Andrew

Mula-mula want to X you for this long post... But for current emo me, I write it.

T H E S E L F
[01] Name: Oh Chee Peng
[02] Nickname: V, Zhan Chi Wai (call by Karen oni)
[03] Married: No 
[04] Zodiac Sign:The Taurus
[05] Gender: Male
[06] Age:21 as of 2009
[07] High School: Chung Ling (geek school, damn)
[08] College: MMU
[09] Height: 160~170cm
[10] Weight: Secret.
[11] Do you like yourself: Somehow satisfy, still downloading patch.
[12] Piercings: no, so gay.
[13] Right or left: V Handed... left.
[14] Are you a freak : sometimes
[15] Hair: just dyed, mocha
[16] Skin: Fare, a lot girls envy my skin. 
[17] Allergic: allergic to bullshit.
[18] What are you doing now: emo-ing.
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: dinner, I think.
[20] What will you do 10 years later: Having a family.

T H E F A M I L Y 
[21] Live with : Bro, Sis, Mom, Dad. In Cyber, with Hall-mate.
[22] Siblings(included you): 4
[23] Eldest: ME
[24] Youngest: bro
[25] Love/hate your family: Love~ Somehow feel they did too much for me...

T H E L O V E 
[26] You found your another half: Erm, I wish is she.
[27] If yes, who is he/she: as I said, I wish...
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: Someone who can let me feel it's good to be alive.
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: 0
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): 0
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): ....same la!
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: yup.
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: I think I didn't work hard enough...
[34] Ever argue with your other half: no.
[35] You with your other half since: I think this section not suitable me.
[36] Are you straight/Gay: go dai pls.
[37] Reasons you love your other half: No reason.
[38] You and your other half in which stage: friends?
[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo you: sick of this question...
[40] Ever think of marry he/she: wei!

T H E F R I E N D S 
[41] Your first best friend: Don't know, some.
[42] Your first enemy: I love peace.
[43] The friend you love the most: my crazy and raciest housemate!
[44] The enemy you hate the most(1only): ...
[45] Your most beautiful girl friend: Can't answer, ha.
[46] Your most handsome guy friend: I don't judge look~
[47] The kind of girl you hate the most: fake actor.
[48] The kind of boy you hate the most: the kind who uses you indefinitely, and gay.
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: erm, most of the feeling start from close friend...
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: Can say so.
[51] If your friend backstabs you: depends the reason(mostly unacceptable)

[52] If your friend betrays you: backstab == betray
[53] If your friend woo your lover : I trust her.
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: depends =)
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: It's ok, go for it.

T H E S T U D I E S 
[56] Are you a good student: Don't listen in class.
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: assignment only, homework don't care.
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: Tuition teacher Form 1~5.
[59] Always late to school/college: seldom, but now no more.
[60] Your class: Boring... I prefer secondary style.
[61] You love your seniors: depends lo, only if they have the quality.
[62] Senior who you love the most: The guy who inspire me study in MMU~
[63] Your classmates good/bad: some~ (I don't know half of them)
[64] Excellent result classmate: SU
[65] Laziest classmate: Hard to find one in 3rd trimester of Gamma.

T H E P E O P L E 
[66] Smart people : My Dad.
[67] Stupid people : Pak Lah
[68] Good looking people: Hero~ 
[69] Ugly people: ...
[70] Funny people: Russell Peters!
[71] Cute people: leekian
[72] Bad people: people who use plastic bag like water!
[73] Honest people: me? ha...
[74] Acting people: Sorry, don't want to mix with them.
[75] You are what kind of person: The guy who want reason for everything he is doing.

T H E P R E F E R 
*assuming what I prefer in my partner
[76] Lip or eyes: eyes
[77] Hugs or kisses: hugs
[78] Shorter or taller:shorter
[79] hesitant or spontaneous: spontaneous
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: arms
[81] Listener or talker: talker(but I prefer both)
[82] Romantic or rich: romantic
[83] Good husband or Good Father: WTF is this shit?

T H E F U T U R E 
[84] Age to get marry: ~27
[85] Number of Kid (s) : 2-3
[86] Career: Software developing related?
[87] Salary:  as much as possible  XP
[88] Retirement age: not sure, until I find that working is boring
[89] properties value: what is this?
[90] Wishes: for a partner who care about me, above average look, loves me.

 

I don't want to tag anyone, I get asthma when answer until question 89... Freaking long tag!

Vegetarian Update

Day 1: Jia you jia you~

Day 2: Had biscuit and bread as lunch, and vegetable mix rice as dinner. Supper is McD Sundae Cup.

Ice cream consider vegetarian? Heard some ice cream made from milk. But throughout this month, I will just not eat meat. Daily product still in my food list~

Recently, I love ice cream so much. (It makes me feel some satisfaction from recent very very bad mood)

Day 3:

During lunch in mamak stall, only pick vegetable and toufu + soya bean as drink (to replace protein) 

Dinner at Dengkil. Ordered Mixed Vegetable Rice.

Discovery: Wow, I thought only in those organic product testimonial I can see people said they can't eat without meat... In real life, seems like many people are so. 27 Days to do.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Out of title:
Really sad, angry, self-contradiction, all sort of negative feelings. Today worst, I started to talk and do something weird... this is not normal emo...

I spent a lot of money recently, and don't want to count it, just hope that I can exchange something to fill up the sudden giant vacuum in my heart. Travel, Ice-cream, junk food, dye hair, start vegetarian. Just want to feel better and change...

Many people said I look very 'high' and 'drunk', notice myself losing the ability to concentrate and think carefully, mistake pop out so frequent.

Trying to control myself, not being so close. The feeling is like taking drug. I don't know what to do, and who to tell.

Sometimes, quiet, don't want to talk. I don't know the reason to continue my life...

Sorry, I just feel very hard... Forcing myself to do something I not willing to do, is really really suffer... But I had no other way, I had to do it, sorry.

I hate this kind of me. I want to be sunny like last time.

Give me some time, thrust, and support, I will make it.

Nuffnang Kakiis Night

Thanks to WL who invited me and VinYee to this event, which is Kakiis gathering, at Sunway Euphoria. Haha, before this, I don't know Euphoria is a clubbing place, from the name, I thought it is a Hi-Fi company or a musical show... noob! Maybe influence by the what Ministry of Sound slogan~ Nevermind, since I am not clubbing kaki~

Euphoria by Ministry of Sound. So surprised saw Su Hao over there. Damn I wore Green Club t shirt... thought you all serious with it, left me alone wore it! Ish!

This is actually a blogger gathering, organized by Kakiiss.com, a web sharing for friends.

The pub in there.

A 'Kakiis' team challenging table football.

Picking as many tickets as possible in Tornado Chamber. How nice if is money?

Pick labeled stone in ice water with toes and form a sentense of 'Kakiis'.

All these are the station games 'happened' in a club, funny? Me, WL, and VinYee, 3 in a group, need to play these games to win the prizes. Why? Because the prizes are too fabulous! 16GB Pendrives, PSP, Nintendo Wii, etc! Sad we didn't win any prizes... It's ok, Had fun~

Sad is because when we completed the station game, but the food were finished! Damn! Cannot forgive! How come they just served so little food?!

Posting with tall Christmas tree, it's approaching~ happy.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Out of title:

Em, I am not feeling good now...

Ish...

Saw my result.

It sucks. Much much lower than my expectation.

Really hope something wrong with it...

Hmm... Already tried my best.

从新Restart.

最近几天的心情很复杂，不想说话，只想单独一个人。对你不理不睬，对不起。

刚刚，算是找到突然的解脱吧。

一切，当着没发生过，再来过吧。

我，得到了第二条命，要好好珍惜。

我，要加油！

"Please press the button to restart~"

看到什么吗？只有我看得到。

这感觉已经不对。

从这个礼拜开始，感觉很怪。

很不对劲。

 

放心吧，会没事的。